Sunday, October 7, 2018

Having a God-Centered Marriage

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Having a God-Centered Marriage

Marriage isn't just a piece of paper. It's something much bigger than that. Two people in love are saying that this relationship is permanent. Marriage is a union between a man and woman that become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5-6, Mark 10:8-9) The marriage vow is saying that you will not break this bond for any reason other than death and no one can come between you.
Having a God-centered marriage is the most important thing you can do for your marriage. When you are both close to God it will bring you closer together. My spouse is supposed to be my partner and best friend, not my enemy.

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"Great marriages don't happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect and a rock-solid commitment between a husband and wife." -Dave Willis

Love & Respect

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. -1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

It's extremely important to have love and respect in your marriage.
When there isn't love in the marriage the marriage doesn't work. Without love, there isn't God in the marriage, and whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:8) Disrespecting each other will end your marriage in divorce. Respect, serve, honor, and love each other.
Respect should be given even if it isn't received. Respect shows a sense of togetherness in the marriage. Everyone desires to be respected, so the best thing to do is give respect.

Marriage is about compromise, sacrifice, respect, love, trust, and affection. Without these things, it's just two people living together.

Respecting Marriages
Respect, Serve, Honor, and Love each other
I have seen far too often where marriages fall apart because of an affair or someone trying to break up

a happy home. Too many people disrespect marriages. It's our jobs as husbands and wives to protect our marriage from "intruders". God warns about this in Hebrews.

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Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. -Hebrews 13:4 NIV

Women shouldn't be hanging out with married men and men shouldn't be hanging out with married women. Single men and women should respect marriages and hang out with both the husband and wife. When you are single and alone with a married man or woman, something harmless could turn into something far more than just friends, even if unintended. When you are going places alone with a married person you are disrespecting their marriage.

"and said, 'For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." -Matthew 19:5-6  (Mark 10:8-9) NIV

Don't let anyone come in-between you and your spouse. Your marriage is sacred. Your marriage is only for you, your spouse and God, no one else. When you let others into your marriage you are dividing from each other. Protect your marriage from those who want to disrespect it.

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The Five Love Languages

The Five Love LanguagesA great book to get is The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. This book will help you figure out how to love your spouse the way they want to be loved by using their love language. The five love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gift giving. Why not express your love the deepest way possible by figuring out your spouses love language? Gary Chapman helps you figure out how to express your love. Will you be using your words to build up your spouse, spending quality time with your spouse giving them your undivided attention, touching them with little love touches, doing things your spouse wants you to do by serving them or giving your spouse gifts? This book helps you to know just that. This is one of my favorite books to read for marriage. It will transform your marriage. You can take the test to find out which love language you and your spouse speak here.

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  Marriage Habits

We all have marriage habits we aren't too happy about. But, we also have those marriage habits that are good. Let's dig into the unhealthy marriage habits.

1. Yelling: One thing my husband and I use to struggle with was yelling. But, we did a devotion together that really tugged at both of us. Whenever our voices start to rise, we remind each other of our tone. We need to watch our tone when we are talking to each other and remember that we aren't enemies, we are best friends and partners. Yelling at each other is disrespectful and doesn't show love. Yelling shows a strong dislike, even hate. Show your spouse respect and love by watching your tone. If you feel like yelling, wait a while and come back when you can talk nicely.

2. Money: Something I see too often in marriages is where the husband and wife have separate accounts or one spouse thinks they have all the control over the money because "they" worked hard for it. What we need to remember is that you both work hard for the money, even if only one of you work. You both are in this marriage 100%. When you got married you vowed to make everything both of yours. What's yours is mine, what's mine is yours. Stop being selfish. If you want to say that your hard earned money is just yours, you should be single. When you got married and became one, you made a promise to share everything that is yours.

Spend time with each other3. Too Busy: Are you too busy to spend time with your spouse? If you said yes, you need to clear
some of your schedule and put your spouse first. Your spouse needs your quality time, even if it's not their number 1 love language. It's very important in a marriage to spend time with each other. Make it a point to do nightly devotions, before bed, every night. You could even do it first thing in the morning. Doing devotions together will help you grow closer together and closer to God.

4. Putting kids first: If you don't have kids you can skip this one. I see it all the time, parents putting their kids first before their spouse. But, let me tell you, that is NOT biblical. God wants you to put your spouse first.
Wives, put your husband first: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. -Ephesians 5:22 NIV
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. -Ephesians 5:23 NIV
Husbands, put your wife first: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. -Ephesians 5:25 NIV
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. -Ephesians 5:28 NIV
Husbands and wives: However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. -Ephesians 5:33 NIV
You are teaching your children how to respect the man of the house or the mother. You should be teaching your children, by example, how to have a God-centered, loving marriage. Putting anyone but God above your spouse will destroy your marriage. When you put your spouse first, you will have a much happier marriage.

Reconnecting With Your Spouse

Reconnecting with your spouse: daily devotions, therapy, pray, date night, make love, communicate, apologize, forgive, flirting, love
There are many ways to reconnect with your spouse if you are feeling distant with them or trying to reconnect after a separation.

1. Do daily devotions together. This is helping to put God as the center of your marriage. Find devotions that work for your marriage.

2. Therapy. Not everyone likes therapy, but this is one of the things that helped save my marriage. You have to find a therapist that you both connect with. If you don't connect with the therapist you won't get very far. Finding a Christian therapist was our number one priority. Therapists will help you figure out and fix what is wrong in the marriage.

3. Pray. Pray for each other and your marriage. Keep God in the center of your marriage. Pray for your spouse, for them to make it through the day, for their safety, for their walk with God, for them to do God's will, etc. Pray for your marriage, that you both keep God as the center, that you both draw nearer to God together, that you grow closer together, etc.
Pray continually. -1 Thessalonians 5:17 NIV

4. Date night. Have a date night at least once a week. You can go on walks together, watch movies at home, have a romantic dinner, cuddle by a fire, watch your favorite tv shows while cuddling, make each other your favorite desserts and feed them to each other... there are many ways to have a date night.

5. Make love. There's a difference between having sex and making love. Reconnect with your spouse by making love to them. Make love as often as you can, don't hold back on your spouse.

6. Communicate. Make sure to tell your spouse your feelings. Tell your spouse the truth. The less you communicate the further apart you are, the more you communicate the closer you are. Text your spouse during the day to see how their day is going. Call them on your breaks. As long as you have something to talk about it is ok to communicate. Call them or text them just to say you love them. Communication goes a long way.

7. Apologize. Apologizing sucks because that is admitting you're wrong. But, your spouse deserves the apology if you indeed did something wrong. You would want the apology if they did something wrong. So, do the right thing and apologize. Your marriage will thank you.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The power of prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. -James 5:16 NIV

8. Forgiveness. Forgiving your spouse is a necessity. As mad as you may be, forgiveness will help you heal and move on. Forgiving doesn't mean that you are telling them that what they did is ok, it's telling them that you choose to forgive it and you're not going to bring it up anymore. Read more on forgiveness here.

9. Flirting. Never stop flirting with each other. Also, never flirt with anyone other than your spouse, that's a recipe for disaster. Flirting with your spouse can be fun.

10. Love. Tell your spouse you love them and WHY. Write a list of reasons why you love your spouse. It's a great reminder to them about why you love them.
Do everything in love. -1 Corinthians 16:14 NIV

Prayer for your marriage: Dear heavenly father, I come before you today to pray for my marriage. Guide us in your way and to follow your will. Help us to keep you in the center of our marriage. Help us to draw nearer to you daily and nearer to each other. In your name I pray, Amen
Prayer For Your Marriage

Prayer for your marriage:
Dear Heavenly Father,
I come before you today
to pray for my marriage.
Guide us in your way and
to follow your will.
Help us to keep you in
the center of our marriage.
Help us to draw nearer to you daily
and nearer to each other.
In your name, we pray,

In Closing

Having a God-centered marriage is the number one most important thing you can do for your marriage. Love and respect each other. Pray for each other. Draw nearer to God together and

to each other. Find out each other's love languages. Do devotions together. Spend time with each other. Put each other first.

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. -Proverbs 18:22 NIV

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